Modest Brides

This topic came up on facebook. Some people would like me to address this in an in-depth way. Any thoughts, comments, anecdotes?

Wedding modesty seems to have been thrown out the stained glass window in the last few years – innocent, blushing brides seem to have disappeared. How do we encourage Christian women to practice modesty at their own weddings when the world entices them with extravagance and immodesty?


14 thoughts on “Modest Brides

  1. As you’ve mentioned yourself, not all of us are seamstresses, and I personally knew of no quality, frugal sources for modest wedding dresses. The best I found were LDS temple gowns, which were not at all to my taste and a little sheer. (On the other hand, they did have pockets.) Perhaps there’s a gap in the market for women that are not Plain, but are modest both in terms of covering and extravagance. As the time nears for our civil marriage to be blessed in the church, I find myself unsure what to wear myself. Fortunately, my husband sews.

    • OK, why pockets? What are you carrying on your wedding day that you need pockets? A quarter for the phone in case you escape and need a ride? I do have a suggestion for modest frugal dresses that aren’t LDS – vintage Gunne Sax dresses. Look on ebay. I considered it and almost bought.

      • The pockets appealed because I hope to rewear the dress, but ultimately Mormon chic did not appeal. I have always liked vintage Gunne Sax though.

      • Oh, that makes sense. I like pockets, but usually have to settle on aprons with pockets. I love vintage Gunne Sax – there was a great store near us that had bridal wear when I was young, because Jessica McClintock’s mother lived there. The sizing is a bit different now, so you would have to get the actual measurements from the seller if you were to buy a dress on ebay.

    • I remember that you had trouble finding maternity clothes that suited you! I so agree – not that I liked my maternity clothes 30 years ago, since they had funny animal prints on them, and such. Your wedding dress was beautiful and modest, as were all the dresses Harry’s sisters wore for their weddings.

  2. A very bit subject I must say. I must say that moderation in the way you conduct the actual wedding and moderation in how much you spend on your party afterwards seem like the most important points for me. I mean, as some couples do and take loans or pay their wedding with creditcards that they cannot pay back in years is horrible. Why would the start of your wedding be a source of debt? I think it is just crazy. In my mind it is so much better to get married on your lunch break at city hall than getting yourself up to your neck in debt to invite everyone you know and to have the prettiest flowers…

    I find many brides to make the wedding about me me me and not we we we as it should be as it is the start of their marriage. Instead they believe that everything need to be perfect and expensive. Often I feel that my church is a bit to ‘nice’ when it comes to for example clothes in church. I find wedding dresses showing both the entire back and half the chest should be stopped or the bride to be told that she needs a big scarf or cape if she is to wear that dress. I know some priests who do this of course but many seem to just accept everything the couple wants. I feel that it is disrespectful to dress like that in church both to god if you believe in god or if you do not to the people who do.

    Many people here get married in church more to have it as a backdrop than out of religious conviction and I guess that sometimes the priest knows that and do not bother to argue too much with these couples. Well, I do not know, that is just a guess.

    I must say I long for my wedding, I want a simple one and my family are the ones that I definitely want there except R of course. I want to get a new dress, not a fancy one but a nice one that I can wear many times and not just that day. I want to have a nice party afterwards with food and cake but nothing extravagant and nothing that I cannot pay cash for. That is my dream wedding.

  3. This would be a good topic. Specifically, modest wedding dresses that are NOT hand sewn. I didn’t have the ability or the time to make my wedding dress, nor the money to have someone else do it. I hated my dress. It showed too much skin. My original wedding dress was a sundress and cost 11 dollars. I was forced to change some of my wedding style, though, and had to buy a second one for 150.
    Even with lots of volunteer help and not having wedding photography, my wedding was probably close to 3,000 dollars. The average wedding nowadays costs 28,000 dollars.
    I’m not going to lie though, I still dream about if I could have had the ball gown wedding dress and formal decorations.

    • I’m looking out for sources. I don’t think anyone looks back after twenty or thirty years and thinks their wedding gown was quite the hot item it was when new!

  4. The biggest issue I see is many brides getting married in a church see the church as just a prop: somewhere pretty to be. Fewer brides see a church wedding as a place for your marriage to be blessed and as such a place to dress accordingly. Plus, on your wedding day, isn’t it all about you anyway? Why should you dress how someone else wants you to?

    • I remember a young bride-to-be gushing over the church they had “chosen” for their wedding. It was a national landmark and weren’t they lucky to reserve it! When I asked if she attended that church, she said, “No, we’re not churchgoers at all.” It’s the church’s fault for letting people use their sacred space as a backdrop. I’ve never had a church that was so beautiful and whatever that people lined up to be married there. You might as well just turn the building into a wedding chapel when that starts happening.

  5. Jack and I went from Wichita KS to Miami Oklahoma to get married. We had considered the traditional wedding but with both sides of the family wanting it their way and the cost this is what we opted for. I had a nice dress and In Miami OK You go to the courthouse on the square for the license, across the street one way for the bloodwork and across the other way to the wedding chapel. Let me tell you that weekend was the most fun ever!!!! We weren’t buried in debt, no stress and on the way down we stopped for breakfast at a very unusual restaurant called The Yellow Rose. It looked like just a run down gas station complete with 3 lazy dogs. You go in and downstairs into a cave that is the restaurant! It had been there many years and the food was great!

    • I love that! Blood tests no longer seem to be required anywhere now. I’ve heard about the Yellow Rose, too. A genuine American landmark!

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